Alaridos de terror

My pre-rehearsal ordering of all 37 songs of the ESC 2014

My TOP 37 del Festival de la Canción de Eurovisión 2014

From most liked to least liked:

Pre-rehearsal thoughts on the entries in the Eurovision Song Contest 2013

Semi-final 1

        1.            Austria     Shine     Natália 

Trying to be contemporary and cool but failing; Natália's voice doesn't quite "shine"

        2.            Estonia       Et uus saaks alguse (Estonian)      Birgit

Boring worthy ballad number one

        3.            Slovenia               Straight into love              Hannah Mancini

Euphoria rip-off number one, incompetently delivered

        4.            Croatia  Mižerja (Croatian)            Klapa s mora

Love it! Old fashioned but very charming and accomplished - shame about the title

        5.            Denmark              Only teardrops  Emmelie de Forest

Catchy in a cliched Eurovision-by-numbers pseudo-folk kind of way with a dull singer

        6.            Russia    What if                 Dina Garipova / Динә Гарипова

Vomit break

        7.            Ukraine          Gravity                 Zlata Ognevich

Disney weirdness I shouldn't like but which  I do now thanks to Zlata

        8.            Netherlands        Birds      Anouk

Moody and ethereal; sublime or just inane? It depends on my mood

        9.            Montenegro       Igranka           Who See feat. Nina Žižić

Great that something as contemporary and edgy as this has a place in the ESC but too hardcore techno/rap for my liking

        10.         Lithuania             Something           Andrius Pojavis

Because of the shoes I'm wearing today, I'm loving this; lovely singer, charming song

        11.         Belarus              Solayoh                Alyona Lanskaya

It starts almost good; goes nowhere;  misguided and dated; Boney M should sue

        12.         Moldova              O mie             Aliona Moon

Boring worthy ballad number three (Russia was two)... but this one is saved by a haunting Balkan melody

        13.         Ireland               Only love survives             Ryan Dolan

Euphoria rip-off number two; this time with a twink and drums

        14.         Cyprus             An me thimase             Despina Olympiou

Boring worthy ballad number four; this one in Greek and excruciatingly dated

        15.         Belgium               Love kills              Roberto Bellarosa

Love kills over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over - it annoys me!

        16.         Serbia              Ljubav je svuda         Moje 3

Trashy song, poorly sung. But with a delightfully camp choreography

Semi-final 2

        1.            Latvia                  Here we go         PeR

Here we go. Where? Nowhere. Lame “homage” to George Michael with beat boxing. (Kudos to the brothers' energetic enthusiasm though...)

        2.            San Marino         Crisalide (Vola)             Valentina Monetta

A Frankenstein monster of a song, whose first half I almost like and whose second half I don't - and Valentina, although a very good singer, is starting to irritate me...

        3.            FYR Macedonia  Pred da se razdeni    Vlatko Lozanoski & Esma Redžepova

Another Frankenstein monster of a song; unremarkable; I much prefer Esma's part

        4.            Azerbaijan           Hold me               Farid Mammadov

Old fashioned, cliched, cheesy and poorly sung by a boy only redeemed by his good looks

        5.            Finland              Marry me            Krista Siegfrids

Politically correct Amanda-Palmer-wannabe song which is trashy but  delivered with enthusiastic conviction by wacky Krista

        6.            Malta          Tomorrow          Gianluca

This one leaves me rather indifferent; well, Gianluca is sweet

        7.            Bulgaria               Samo shampioni               Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov /

One of the few songs this year that put me in a good mood and makes me want to dance ( and to collect mushrooms)

        8.            Iceland           Ég á líf                 Eythor Ingi

Cold Nordic ballad competently sung by a Nordic Jesus Christ; very old fashioned

        9.            Greece     Alcohol is free          Koza Mostra feat. Agathonas Iakovidis

Even if I'm not too fond  of booze, I love this one; lots of fun; I enjoy the mix of traditional Greek/Balkan sounds and ska

        10.         Israel             Rak bishvilo         Moran Mazor

My favourite female ballad of 2013; wonderfully OTT, overdramatic and  passionately delivered by the likeable Moran

        11.         Armenia               Lonely planet             Gor Sujyan

The biggest disappointment of the year for me; I expected so much more from Armenia and Gor Sujyan/Dorians...; dull dull dull

        12.         Hungary               Kedvesem (Zoohacker remix)        ByeAlex

Interesting; cool and trendy; but too monotonous for my liking

        13.         Norway              I feed you my love            Margaret Berger

Cold as the snow where she was born; I don't get the excitement about this one

        14.         Albania                  Identitet              Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko

Interesting mix of rock and ethnic music; it's OK

        15.         Georgia                   Waterfall             Sopho Gelovani & Nodiko Tatishvili  

I hate this one as it mixes two of the most irritating, formulaic and overrated songs of recent years: Denmark 2010 and Spain 2012; the performers are good though...

        16.         Switzerland                 You and me         Takasa

It starts as though it is fun but then becomes too repetitive and lifeless

        17.         Romania                     It's my life           Cezar

I've seen Cezar singing in front of me wearing very tight trousers so I know he's not a castrato but he does falsetto very well; just a shame his electro-popera song is very weak and boring, with very cheap lyrics

Final

        F             France             L'enfer et moi    Amandine Bourgeois

Too-cool-for-school cabaret rock from France, with a pervy bent, that I feel I should love but I can’t, even if I do appreciate Amandine’s “raw” talent

        F             Germany              Glorious               Cascada

Euphoria rip-off number 3; the most shameless of them all. From a relatively well-known band, fronted by a woman with questionable dress sense. Boring.

        F             Italy               L'essenziale          Marco Mengoni

Just sublime. A charismatic performer with stunning good looks and a gorgeous expressive voice, singing a moving pop-rock ballad with beautiful meaningful lyrics. What’s there not to like?

        F             Spain                   Contigo hasta el final      ESDM

A contemporary but low-key pop-rock experiment from Spain, represented this year by a band of posh hippies who bring a fresh cool look and a Northern Celtic flavour… will the experiment work?

        F             United Kingdom               Believe in me      Bonnie Tyler

A pop-rock legend with a competent catchy song that will bring to the UK something they had long forgotten they could get: points. And a lot of them.

        16.         Sweden                     You        Robin Stjernberg

Sorry. How does this go? I can’t remember it…

A new year... a new Eurovision...

Here I will be commenting on this and that... as I have done in the last couple of years.

I will probably start writing something more concrete when ESDM (El Sueño de Morfeo) present their 4 songs in February.

In the meantime, all I'll say is that most of what is known so far about Malmӧ  2013 is not all that promising: 

• new rules (which are open to abuse)

• (horrid) songs known so far

• some of the withdrawals (particularly Turkey & Portugal)

• ...and when one thought it could not get any worse: (camp) logo and (patronising) slogan

• what next?

On a more positive note, I am moderately optimistic about the selection of ESDM to represent Spain: young, attractive,  fresh, bright, positive, contemporary, "relevant" (e.g. a band with a presence in hit charts), far from the usual Spain-in-Eurovision clichés, etc. A far cry from last year's "greasy" and rancid approach. Just waiting for the songs. The only worry for me now is... that trios have rarely fared well in the ESC (especially female+male+male trios). We'll see.....

Eurovision entries 2012: Pre-rehearsal thoughts

Just before the rehearsal period starts in Bakú on the 13^th of May, I summarise here my impressions on the 42 entries for the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) in 2012. The comments below reflect how I felt about the entries at the time they were selected, even if, with time and repeated hearings, my opinions about some of the songs may have changed (e.g. I'm more benevolent now towards Latvia and Georgia than I used to be and I express below and even less sympathetic towards Denmark and Ireland, for example; and I have warmed a lot more to FYROM now).

I have grouped the 42 entries in four categories: my personal TOP 10; other songs I'd like to see in the final; songs I'd rather not see in the final; and songs that I neither hate nor love.

Here is why…

MY TOP TEN 2012 (in reverse order of preference):

• 1 point: SLOVENIA (Eva Boto, "Verjamenn"): My favourite ex-Yugo song representing an ex-Yugo republic; a very pleasant tune which has some great climactic moments, especially the instrumental passages; and Eva has a really nice voice.
• 2 points: PORTUGAL (Filipa Sousa, "Vida Minha"): This is my favourite ex-Yugo ballad; it just happens to be representing the westernmost country in Europe; Babic has skilfully merged fado and tango elements in a really charming tune performed with gusto by the lovely Filipa.
• 3 points: BULGARIA (Sofi Marinova, "Love Unlimited"): In spite of its multi-lingual "I love yous", this is one of my favourite dance tracks this year; Sofi's vocal abilities are impressive; and I very much enjoy the ethnic beats (which so much remind me of Bollywood soundtracks)
• 4 points: ICELAND (Salome & Jonsi, "Never Forget"): So much to enjoy (visually, musically and vocally) in this reassuringly old-fashioned, medieval flavoured folksy ballad; I love its dramatic in-crescendo development, which - strangely enough - reminds me of 90s Cypriot entries.
• 5 points: FRANCE (Angunn, "Echo") Although not the kind of music I normally go for, this is a powerful dance track with a compelling chorus and a strong verse; I like Angunn's voice and stage presence and I even enjoy the whistling and the strangely abrupt changes of register.
• 6 points: MONTENEGRO (Rambo Amadeus, "Euro Neuro") I like this mad idiosyncratic entry not only because of the diversity it brings to the ESC but also because it is intelligent and genuinely funny and because of its inventive combination of Balkan sounds and electronic music. In my opinion.
• 7 points: ISRAEL (Izabo, "Time") This 70s-inspired indie pop entry is a blow of unpretentious fresh air which evokes the laid back mood of a beachside walk in Tel Aviv in a late summer Saturday evening (after Sabbath); the nods to Bowie's 70s electronica ('Low', anyone?) are a welcome bonus.
• 8 points: TURKEY (Can Bonomo, "Love me back") This is just fantastic: an attractive (if wacky) strong performer who delivers a song which aptly mixes indie rock and Middle Eastern folk, leading to a memorable, effortlessly charming finale that puts one in a very good mood straight away. Great.
• 10 points: ITALY (Nina Zilli, "L'Amore e Femina") Nina is one of the best things that have happened to the ESC in a long time: fabulous looks, gorgeous jazzy voice, amazing stage presence; and the song is absolutely delightful, immediately catchy and classy, with lovely nods to 60s Italian pop. A very modern piece of retro nostalgia.
• 12 points: ALBANIA (Rona Nishliu, "Suus") I can't even start to describe HOW MUCH I love this mesmerising, angst-driven operatic entry, with its nods to Nina Simone or Bjork (imho). Simply stunning. The best Albanian entry ever and one of the best songs in the history of Eurovision. Enthralling.

OTHER SONGS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE IN THE FINAL (in alphabetical order):

• GREECE: Reassuringly Greek, like feta cheese, moussaka, ouzo and the Acropolis, this ethno-pop entry ticks many of the boxes one recently associates with Greek Eurovision entries: pretty girl (flashing her knickers), sexy backing dancers, Greek ethnic beats, simplistic lyrics,… Eurotrashy and déjà vu, but a lot of fun.
• MOLDOVA: Cute cheeky boy singing about love and trumpets. And lots of Balkan trumpets. What's there not to like? OK. This entry may not have the most sophisticated or accomplished song composition of the contest - or the best singer. But the light-hearted touch and the delightful Balkan sounds make this year's Moldovan entry very enjoyable.
• NORWAY: I find the composition of this song is a bit messy and not that memorable but Norway's entry is visually striking (with a very cute singer and - based on the Norwegian final - a spectacular stage presentation) and I find the mix of electronic dance music and Arabic rhythms enjoyable.
• ROMANIA: Caribbean Summer Hits 2012! Lambada from the Balkans with Scottish bagpipes for a busty exotic singer who sings in Spanish. I've never been totally convinced by this exuberantly trashy product and I don't see it as the contender other people seem to think it is but it definitely gets me dancing. Así, así.
• RUSSIA: In a year plagued by largely pretentious and boring ballads and Ibizaesque dance tracks trying to outgaga Lady Gaga, the charming babushki are indeed a blow of fresh air. But the endearing appeal of the Russian grannies is not the only asset of this year's Russian entry; in my opinion, the song is very cleverly composed, with a truly compelling and infectious chorus.
• UKRAINE: Bound to make a big impact in the final in Bakú; the exuberant Gaitana can confidently belt out this very flamboyant Ibiza-esque dance track; very high-energy and infectious; but does it have the catchy simplicity one normally finds in a Eurovision winner?

SONGS I'D RATHER NOT SEE IN THE FINAL (in alphabetical order):

• AUSTRIA: This is SO not my cup of tea on any account… Kudos for the unstoppable enthusiasm; but it is so laddish and adolescent that I can't bear a full listen of the song.
• GEORGIA: Erm, a "joke" entry that it is not funny. Could the singer's remarkable camp "confidence" together with the latest (much improved) arrangements help the song to go through to the final?
• LATVIA: This surely doesn't sound like a "beautiful song". Silly lyrics and an excruciatingly annoying chorus (which may be sticky and ABBA-esque enough to cause an upset, after all?).
• LITHUANIA: He may be one of the cutest male singers in the contest this year but this half-ballad half-up-tempo song is one of the weakest – and don't get me going about the "blindfold gimmick".
• MALTA: No matter how many "Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh"-s are added to it, this bland and nondescript dance track is still very weak, rancid and uninspiring (bad 80s disco?)
• SLOVAKIA: This heavy metal track is not a bad song in its own right and the singer seems to be charming enough but - even if I have enjoyed some rock entries at Eurovision in the past - this kind of anthemic hard rock is not my cup of tea.
• SPAIN: Yet again, a talented singer is wasted on a very mediocre song for Spain. Pastora Soler is proving to be a great representative: gifted, professional and down to earth. So, I find it difficult to understand why she's chosen to sing this second-rate pastiche, which is written by numbers, soulless, vacuous, pretentious and whiny. Will the favourable position in the running order, the song's mindless simplicity, the nods to Leona Lewis/Titanic, the unexpected cathartic moment in the last minute and Pastora's impressive vocal prowess be sufficient to bring many more points to Spain than the country has received in recent years?
• UNITED KINGDOM: This entry gives a new meaning to "retro". But my main concern is not that septuagenarian Engelbert hasn't had a top ten hit in more than 20 years. My main concern is the very mediocre song he's singing. I don't care about the legendary status of the performer or the writing credentials of the song writers; this sounds seriously amateurish to me. The song has a poor structure: it starts as a low key and moderately charming (if unremarkable) retro piece but then it is seriously ruined by a jarring key change and ill-fitting high notes that make Englebert look uncomfortable even when he's miming them. A misguided compilation of Eurovision clichés.

SONGS I AM NOT REALLY BOTHERED AS TO WHETHER THEY ARE IN THE FINAL OR NOT (in alphabetical order):

• AZERBAIJAN: A ballad which starts sounding like it's almost good but, finally, is just dull in spite of the very evocative Middle-Eastern arrangements; I'm disappointed that Azerbaijan is unimaginatively sticking to a tried and tested formula (i.e. pastiche from the same Swedish composers they used for the last two entries); and the singer's poor English diction is very off-putting.
• BELARUS: Although some of the band members are easy in the eye, this generic teenage pop-rock leaves me totally uninterested; they're not my "heroes" and definitely not "the winners".
• BELGIUM: One of the many nondescript ballads in 2012. This is one of the more "Western-sounding" ones; firmly in the "forgettable Disney ballad" category.
• BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA: There are some really beautiful passages in this delicate Balkan ballad and the voice of the singer is lovely but, in my opinion, the song never really lifts and it ends up being rather dull (together with many other ballads this year).
• CROATIA: Yet again this year I feel disappointed by Croatia, which used to be one of my favourite countries in Eurovision. Nebo, although not at all a bad song (especially if one has the chance to listen to it about 100 times), is far too low key, far too boring… and the last minute arrangements added to the end of the song to pump it up are, in my opinion, counterproductive.
• CYPRUS: La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. A bit more modern and international than your usual Cypriot fare but in a cheap summer-hit-wannabe kind of way. Repetitive ad nauseam, it bores me.
• DENMARK: The Danes Should've Known Better and resigned from the contest this year to wait and see if they could find a decent song for 2013, but , no, they're taking part with this forgettable and linguistically challenged Alanis Morrisette/Anything But The Girl rip-off which leaves me so indifferent that I cannot even hate it.
• ESTONIA: Yet one more ballad this year which is very pleasant but ultimately boring and dated; this time from the Baltic. Having said that, Koola is actually rather effective. Some seem to find the singer attractive.
• FINLAND: And yet another pleasant but bland ballad, this time with eerily charming Nordic touches and sung by the kind of a woman you'd expect to find at the desk of a library specialised in Scandinavian studies.
• FYR MACEDONIA: This schizophrenic song doesn't work at all for me in spite of Kaliopi's delightfully distinct voice; whereas its first minute is quite promising in a Balkan ballad kind of way, with an original, appealing and memorable melody, as soon as the guitar riffs kick in and it turns into Balkan rock, I become fatally disengaged.
• GERMANY: So the singer is cute and reasonably competent. But the song sounds like Jamie Cullum was told 'Hey! Would you like to write a song for Eurovision? Here's what won last year' and Jamie decided to directly plagiarise Running Scared making sure the title of his song said exactly the opposite of last year's Azeri song title – just to confuse people. Bland.
• HUNGARY: Not terrible by any means, with great electronic pop arrangements, but fairly subdued; plus the singer's very poor vocal performance in the Hungarian shows was very off-putting
• IRELAND: Whereas I was a big fan of Jedward's entry, Lipstick, last year, I must say this year's US-influenced teenage pop song is rather uninspiring; correct but ultimately bland and the whole product now feels very dejá vu; but… the increasingly popular twins are still cute and charismatic and wear fabulous outfits.
• NETHERLANDS: I'm not a big fan of country music, but after a non-favourable first impression, I was soon surprisingly taken by the memorably catchy simplicity of this year's Dutch song, which is more effective and compelling, in my opinion, than other (better rated) North American influenced entries in this year's contest.
• SAN MARINO: Who would have thought that, of all countries, San Marino was going to have the most controversial entry this year (with the explicit references to facebook in the original version of the song)? Very tacky, it manages to be dated in spite of its very contemporary subject matter; but very catchy and so trashy that I would not mind if it made it to the final just for the fun of it.
• SERBIA: At first hearing, this sounds like it is better than it actually is; it has some powerful moments (especially the ones ripped off from/inspired by Coldplay...) and Zeljko is an unquestionably strong and confident performer with a warm voice – pure charm; but the song seems to go nowhere and I feel a bit cheated at the end of it. Neither as amazing as Lejla nor as special as Lane Moje.
• SWEDEN: An effective pastiche of clubby/druggy 90s dance music, which, nevertheless, for me, runs out of steam by the end of the second minute; the singer looks annoying and has an irritating voice; and the stage presentation, although original, is too dark and ultimately boring. I still enjoy it more than I feel I should, considering that it's the big favourite, but I would be very surprised if it wins as it appeals to a narrow demographic.
• SWITZERLAND: Moderately catchy, powerfully performed homage to 80s anthemic pop-rock (which is not quite my cup of tea). Stronger than last year's Netherlands or San Marino's first attempt. But not as compelling as Turkey 2008 or Georgia 2011, for example.

Five (daring?) predictions for the ESC 2012?

When we are still a few weeks away from the start of the rehearsal period in Baku, I have had a look at my crystal ball and this is what I have seen: five (daring?) predictions about this year's Eurovision Song Contest, with which I suspect many people are going to disagree:

1. Sweden is not going to win
2. Albania is qualifying to the final
3. Spain is not going to get a higher placing than that achieved in 2010 (15^th with “Algo Pequeñito”)
4. Italy is going to be in the top 5 (not such a daring prediction perhaps?)
5. Russia is going to win the televote (but who will get the highest score when jury vote and televote are combined?)

How many of these predictions will be proved right in May (if any)?

A Bakú, Pastora... (A Belén, pastores)

Un apunte rápido para comentar mi opinión sobre las canciones de Pastora Soler candidatas a representar a RTVE en el Festival de Eurovisión:

'Me despido de ti': la mejor 
Esta me parece la más bonita, la mejor compuesta, la que más engancha nada más empezar, la que Pastora canta con más sentimiento. No acabo de verla en Eurovisión… pero muy agradable.
(the best)

'Tu vida es tu vida': la más llamativa 
Esta es la más memorable de todas. De impacto inmediato. Te hace que te entren ganas de bailar enseguida. Es pegadiza y Pastora la canta muy bien. Con esta, luce su voz. Y hasta tiene mensaje "social". Aunque suena un pelín anticuadilla. ¿Quizás la más apropiada para un festival? 
(the catchiest) 

'Quédate conmigo': interesante "experimento" 
Interesante intento de hacer una balada en castellano que suene contemporánea al estilo de Leona Lewis hace un par de años. Pero no estoy seguro de que el pastiche funcione. No me acaba de convencer como candidata a Eurovisión. Le faltan muchas cosas, entre ellas, algo muy importante: corazón (aunque la palabra se incluya en la prosaica letra de la canción).   
(Leona Lewis with gazpacho)

'Ahora o nunca': de relleno 
Canción tipo "cara B" que me deja indiferente. Suena anticuada y empalagosa. Prescindible. No me sorprendería nada que no llegase a la final de la preselección española.  
(forgettable)

EN RESUMEN, cuatro cancioncillas muy normalitas, de las de pasar desapercibid@. La mayoría suenan muy anticuadas, desfasadas, muy oídas, por lo cual no están en consonancia con el tipo de música que se valora en el festival los últimos años (o sea, música actual, relevante, que se pueda escuchar en las radios de diversos países europeos). España no gana el festival este año.

Recordemos la última vez que RTVE llevó al festival de Eurovisión una artista popular y consagrada, con carrera consolidada y éxitos a sus espaldas. Era 1985. La artista, Paloma San Basilio, cantó de maravilla una elegante balada de Juan Carlos Calderón (muy superior al engendro G:Son de 'Quédate conmigo'). Guapísima, con un estilismo envidiable y la gran favorita de la noche, Paloma quedó en decimocuarta posición… de veinte participantes, empatada con Turquía. Un virtual "bottom 5" muy decepcionante. ¿Conseguirá Pastora superar esa posición en 2012?