Thursday, 16 May 2013

Pre-rehearsal thoughts on the entries in the Eurovision Song Contest 2013

Semi-final 1
        1.            Austria     Shine     Natália 
Trying to be contemporary and cool but failing; Natália's voice doesn't quite "shine"
        2.            Estonia       Et uus saaks alguse (Estonian)      Birgit
Boring worthy ballad number one
        3.            Slovenia               Straight into love              Hannah Mancini
Euphoria rip-off number one, incompetently delivered
        4.            Croatia  Mižerja (Croatian)            Klapa s mora
Love it! Old fashioned but very charming and accomplished - shame about the title
        5.            Denmark              Only teardrops  Emmelie de Forest
Catchy in a cliched Eurovision-by-numbers pseudo-folk kind of way with a dull singer
        6.            Russia    What if                 Dina Garipova / Динә Гарипова
Vomit break
        7.            Ukraine          Gravity                 Zlata Ognevich
Disney weirdness I shouldn't like but which  I do now thanks to Zlata
        8.            Netherlands        Birds      Anouk
Moody and ethereal; sublime or just inane? It depends on my mood
        9.            Montenegro       Igranka           Who See feat. Nina Žižić
Great that something as contemporary and edgy as this has a place in the ESC but too hardcore techno/rap for my liking
        10.         Lithuania             Something           Andrius Pojavis
Because of the shoes I'm wearing today, I'm loving this; lovely singer, charming song
        11.         Belarus              Solayoh                Alyona Lanskaya
It starts almost good; goes nowhere;  misguided and dated; Boney M should sue
        12.         Moldova              O mie             Aliona Moon
Boring worthy ballad number three (Russia was two)... but this one is saved by a haunting Balkan melody
        13.         Ireland               Only love survives             Ryan Dolan
Euphoria rip-off number two; this time with a twink and drums
        14.         Cyprus             An me thimase             Despina Olympiou
Boring worthy ballad number four; this one in Greek and excruciatingly dated
        15.         Belgium               Love kills              Roberto Bellarosa
Love kills over and over over and over over and over over and over over and over - it annoys me!
        16.         Serbia              Ljubav je svuda         Moje 3
Trashy song, poorly sung. But with a delightfully camp choreography

Semi-final 2
        1.            Latvia                  Here we go         PeR
Here we go. Where? Nowhere. Lame “homage” to George Michael with beat boxing. (Kudos to the brothers' energetic enthusiasm though...)
        2.            San Marino         Crisalide (Vola)             Valentina Monetta
A Frankenstein monster of a song, whose first half I almost like and whose second half I don't - and Valentina, although a very good singer, is starting to irritate me...
        3.            FYR Macedonia  Pred da se razdeni    Vlatko Lozanoski & Esma Redžepova
Another Frankenstein monster of a song; unremarkable; I much prefer Esma's part
        4.            Azerbaijan           Hold me               Farid Mammadov
Old fashioned, cliched, cheesy and poorly sung by a boy only redeemed by his good looks
        5.            Finland              Marry me            Krista Siegfrids
Politically correct Amanda-Palmer-wannabe song which is trashy but  delivered with enthusiastic conviction by wacky Krista
        6.            Malta          Tomorrow          Gianluca
This one leaves me rather indifferent; well, Gianluca is sweet
        7.            Bulgaria               Samo shampioni               Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov /
One of the few songs this year that put me in a good mood and makes me want to dance ( and to collect mushrooms)
        8.            Iceland           Ég á líf                 Eythor Ingi
Cold Nordic ballad competently sung by a Nordic Jesus Christ; very old fashioned
        9.            Greece     Alcohol is free          Koza Mostra feat. Agathonas Iakovidis
Even if I'm not too fond  of booze, I love this one; lots of fun; I enjoy the mix of traditional Greek/Balkan sounds and ska
        10.         Israel             Rak bishvilo         Moran Mazor
My favourite female ballad of 2013; wonderfully OTT, overdramatic and  passionately delivered by the likeable Moran
        11.         Armenia               Lonely planet             Gor Sujyan
The biggest disappointment of the year for me; I expected so much more from Armenia and Gor Sujyan/Dorians...; dull dull dull
        12.         Hungary               Kedvesem (Zoohacker remix)        ByeAlex
Interesting; cool and trendy; but too monotonous for my liking
        13.         Norway              I feed you my love            Margaret Berger
Cold as the snow where she was born; I don't get the excitement about this one
        14.         Albania                  Identitet              Adrian Lulgjuraj & Bledar Sejko
Interesting mix of rock and ethnic music; it's OK
        15.         Georgia                   Waterfall             Sopho Gelovani & Nodiko Tatishvili  
I hate this one as it mixes two of the most irritating, formulaic and overrated songs of recent years: Denmark 2010 and Spain 2012; the performers are good though...
        16.         Switzerland                 You and me         Takasa
It starts as though it is fun but then becomes too repetitive and lifeless
        17.         Romania                     It's my life           Cezar
I've seen Cezar singing in front of me wearing very tight trousers so I know he's not a castrato but he does falsetto very well; just a shame his electro-popera song is very weak and boring, with very cheap lyrics

        F             France             L'enfer et moi    Amandine Bourgeois
Too-cool-for-school cabaret rock from France, with a pervy bent, that I feel I should love but I can’t, even if I do appreciate Amandine’s “raw” talent
        F             Germany              Glorious               Cascada
Euphoria rip-off number 3; the most shameless of them all. From a relatively well-known band, fronted by a woman with questionable dress sense. Boring.
        F             Italy               L'essenziale          Marco Mengoni
Just sublime. A charismatic performer with stunning good looks and a gorgeous expressive voice, singing a moving pop-rock ballad with beautiful meaningful lyrics. What’s there not to like?
        F             Spain                   Contigo hasta el final      ESDM
A contemporary but low-key pop-rock experiment from Spain, represented this year by a band of posh hippies who bring a fresh cool look and a Northern Celtic flavour… will the experiment work?
        F             United Kingdom               Believe in me      Bonnie Tyler
A pop-rock legend with a competent catchy song that will bring to the UK something they had long forgotten they could get: points. And a lot of them.
        16.         Sweden                     You        Robin Stjernberg
Sorry. How does this go? I can’t remember it…

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